The Autocorrect
by Anna C. Poseidon
Summary: The gods and demigods have new phones, and they're having a little trouble with the autocorrect. Read on to see exactly what kind of trouble they get in!
1. Annabeth and the Lucky Dick

The Autocorrect

Dionysus' POV

I walked through Camp Half-Blood, watching a demigod climb the lava rock-wall. it was foul Peter Johnson. I decided that this camp needed more rules! These demigods needed to be disciplined! I pulled out my phone from my pocket. I was gonna tell Chiron right here and now. I tapped the Messaging button and started to type my message. "Chiron, I think we should make more rules at Camp Half-Blood." I selected "Send" and chose "Chiron" in my contacts. The screen showed " Sending". A moment later Chiron had replied. "Chesnut?" he had texted. I looked at my text. It read, " Chesnut, I think we should mix more raps at Camp Half-bled." My phone beeped. Chiron had sent a message that read, "I suppose we could make some raps… and mix them…?" I texted back with my real message. "Stupid phones these days!" I grumbled.

Athena's POV

I took out my phone and texted Artemis. "I barfed my owl" I texted.

She replied, "No wonder you were looking pale today! Are you alright?"

I read my text and almost choked on my pizza.

"No! I meant I farted my Octopus!"

"Umm…" Artemis answered.

"I fed my otter!"

"You have an otter?

"I fit my oddity!"

I sighed. "I give hope." I texted

"I. Give. Up!"

Zeus' POV

My phone beeped in my pocket. I pulled it out and checked the new message. Apollo had sent a message. It read, "I'm having Hephaestus for breakfast today." I realized this was an autocorrect and texted back, "…Look at your text."

"What?"

"Look closer"

"What? I really am having Hephaestus today!"

"Not hashbrowns?"

"Nope. Just plain Hephaestus"

" Ohhh. I Get it. He's coming over for breakfast!"

"No…"

"0_0"

Nico's POV

"That son of a robot!" I texted my dad.

"Oops. I meant that sun is robust."

"Are you okay, son? Is something happening at camp?" Hades answered.

"Stupid autocorrect! I meant the sun is blazing!"

"I suppose it is…"

Annabeths POV

It was the day after Christmas. Percy had gotten me this awesome high-tech laptop, and I wanted to tell my mom. I took out my phone and texted, "Percy got me a laptop for Christmas! It's awesome!" A few moments later my mom had answered, "You lucky dick! That Percy spoils you." My eyes widened. I immediately texted my mom back. "Mom! Read that text! Please tell me that was an autocorrect!" Athena replied. "Oops… I meant lucky duck. This is so embarrassing…"

**Hi Fanfiction people! I know this isn't much but I don't have time to write more right now… I've got a bunch of ideas so I will update soon! Don't forget to review!**


	2. Aphrodite and the Make-out kit

Hera's POV

I sat on my throne, eating candy that I had bought. I was bored out of my mind, so I decided to text Aphrodite about it.

I texted, "I got myself candy today."

Aphrodite answered, " Oh my."

"What is it? What's wrong?

"That is quite serious business you know."

I went to my Sent section of my phone and read my text. It read, "I got myself cremated today."

I cursed at my phone.

"Damn autocorrect. I got canned."

"You got canned? Does that mean you're not the queen of Olympus anymore?"

I could just imagine Aphrodite putting makeup on and getting ready to take my place as queen.

"Calm yourself. I meant that I bought candy. Happy?"

Percy's POV

My phone beeped and I pulled it out of my pocket. Thalia had sent a message. It read,

"Hi Percy!"

I answered.

Thalia wasn't answering so I checked my text. It said, "My inner Pegasus is laughing at me."

I laughed.

"LOL autocorrect! My Pegasus just loves sugar.

I frowned. Thalia wasn't answering.

"Thalia?"

Ares' POV

I took out my phone to check my messages. Aphrodite had sent, "My make-out kit is missing! Have you seen it?"

I answered lazily. "No, sorry." My eyes widened as I realized what Aphrodite had said. I added, "Wait, did you say Make-_out_ kit?

"No!"

"Well I'm reading this text and it says make out kit…"

"I meant my make-up kit! Please don't tell anyone!"

"Sure ;)"

Jason's POV

Reyna had just taught me this awesome game called Where's Waldo. I had to tell Leo about it!

I quickly texted him about it.

"Have you ever heard of Whackamole Windmill?

"No… Should I?

"You should buy it! It's so fun! You just have to find Walrus and his friends! But it's really hard! Because there's so many pick-pocketers!

"Sorry, I'm not interested in buying a windmill with pick-pocketers…"

The only problem with all this is that I only realized my mistake after this entire embarrassing conversation.

"Oops. I meant Where's Waldo."

"That I've heard of."

Annabeth's POV

I screamed. There was a huge spider in my bed. I quickly pulled out my phone.

"Percy, there's a spider in my bed and I'm afraid to go to sleep!"

He replied, "You're such a wallet. I'm coming to your coffin to kill you."

I shivered.

"You're not helping!"

"I hate autocorrect. I meant, you're such a wimp. I'm coming to your cabin to kill it."

Tyson's POV

I texted Percy while eating a peanut butter sandwich. It was lunch break at daddy's palace.

"I forged some socks for daddy. Come visit and I'll fix your whistle!"

Percy told me to read my text.

"I meant I forged some swords. I'll fix your watch.

"I'll visit tomorrow. Save me some socks though ;)"

"I'll make them now!"

I hurried off, leavind my phone on a bench. Little did I know that there was a following text:

"-_-"

**I hope you liked my story, I will update soon. I still have 4 pages worth of ideas! Don't forget to review! Please! **


	3. Hera and the Missing Nipples

**Thanks for all the great reviews I got for my two earlier chapters and I hope you guys like this one just as much if not more! If you like my story(s) than if you can do me a huge favor and go to the poll on the Artemis' Hunters profile page and vote for me as best author in the group! Thanks! Sorry for so many exclamation marks.**

Rachel's POV

I was extremely bored, sitting around camp waiting for great prophetic thoughts to come to my head, so I decided to ask Hermes what his favourite animal was and see if I could guess his answer. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and texted him, "What's your favourite animal?" The reply came quickly:

"… Bitch"

I was offended. That was definitely _not_ the answer I thought of. I was thinking bunnies, but no, he had to just go and offend me like that. Apparently Hermes had got the message by my silence and he texted back a few minutes later:

"I meant bunnies. It was an autocorrect, sorry!"

"Right" I quickly answered.

"What? It's true!"

"No, I meant that I was right! Your favourite animal is a bunny!"

"?"

No person's POV in particular…

Percy texted to the Olympus Home Phone number, "Pass gas?"

OHP (Olmypian Home Phone) answered,

"No thanks"

"Peace inky?"

"Nope"

"Popping ankle?"

"Is this your idea of a joke? STOP IT OR WE WILL BURN YOU TO ASHES, JACKSON!"

"Jeez, I was only offering you some puke… So I say it again: Piece andrea?"

"…"

"Pizza anyone?"

Khione's POV

I walked through Olympus, longingly staring at the major gods' thrones. Then I saw Aphrodite applying makeup in her throne and batting her eyelashes and passing satyrs. I took out my phone and tried to text Apollo before my phone froze over at my touch.

"Athens is so full of herself!" I texted unknowingly. I saw my text and texted again,

"Make that Allies"

"Alpine!"

"Afro-lady!"

"Aphrodite!"

I saw Aphrodite checking her phone out of the corner of my eye

Apollo's replied just before my phone literally froze,

"Ok… This is Lady Aphrodite, who is this?"

"0_0"

3rd person…

Hera stood in front of a mirror at Olympus, about to put on her earrings, but found that they were nowhere to be seen. She took out her phone to text her husband asking if he had seen them anywhere.

Little did she know, she texted something very strange:

"Zeus dear, I've lost my nipples again. Have you seen them?"

When Zeus read this he almost couldn't continue reading after "nipples" for a large bout of hysterical laughing. He rolled on the floor and when he came to his senses, he finished reading and texted his reply.

"0_0 …LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL MAJOR AUTOCORRECT! THIS MAY NOT BE VERY GODLY OF ME BUT THAT"S JUST HILARIOUS! I AM SO PUTTING THIS ON DAMN YOU AUTOCORRECT!

Hera didn't answer.

"Hera dear, look at your text. Or should I say, tits!"

Hera replied eventually, "I meant my earrings! How does it go from earrings to nipples?

3rd person…

Artemis looked at her tired out reindeer and wondered if it was worth asking her brother to lend her his chariot. She decided to give it a try. She took out her phone and texted:

"Apollo, could I borrow your chimpanzee?"

Apollo answered, "Sure sis! Just one thing though…"

"What"

"Since when do I have a chimpanzee?"

**Ok! Thanks for reading and don't forget to review! But first, I have a couple contests for you! The first one isn't really a contest, it's more of a question for you guys. Do you prefer 3****rd**** person autocorrects, or ones that are with a specific POV? Review or PM me with your answer please! Now, the contest! Give me one conversation between two demigods or gods or goddesses, and I will change some words for the autocorrect part of it. If you like you can also add the autocorrect part instead of me. The person with the best conversation will win a shout-out and get their conversation featured in my next chapter! Sorry for the long author's note!**


	4. Demeter's Drug Addiction

**Hello all you awesome readers! Last chapter you probably remember that I had a contest where you reviewers told me your idea for a conversation that could be made into an autocorrect. The funniest one won a shout-out and their conversation would be featured in this chapter! The winner of that contest is DeathPrincess! Although this person has no stories he/she (I'm guessing she) is awesome and if she/he makes any stories you should read them! Their conversation will be the last one in this chapter! Now read my chapter:**

**3****rd**** person**

Percy lay on his bed in Camp Half-Blood in the early morning, suddenly awoken by a loud beep coming from his bedside table. He sat up and leaned over to the table, drowsily groping for his phone. He grabbed it and scrolled through his new messages. 5 from Annabeth telling him to wake up, 2 from his mom wondering how he was, and 1 from… his dad? Percy wondered what Poseidon could possibly want to tell him. Did he want percy to visit him in his underwater palace? Did he want to tell him about the dangers ahead? Or did he want to tell Percy how proud he was of him? Percy looked at the message excitedly. He frowned as he read it. It read,

"Son, would you fetch my clone?"

Percy sighed and replied, so disappointed he almost forgot to wonder about the clone.

"Where is he? 0_0"

"He?"

"Your, ah, clone."

"What? How did you…? No one can know!

"Read your text dad."

"Oh. Heheheh. Stupid phone. Just an autocorrect, sorry for bothering you son, I'll just go now. I only meant to ask you if you would fetch my clam, but no worries, I'll just get it myself."

"So, you have a clone?"

"Nope… just a clam!"

3rd person

A conversation was happening via text messages between Hazel and Nico. Hazel started the messages, but didn't notice what she had said.

"Nico, tit dad to tit this stupid curse off me!"

"Will do…?"

"Tell dad to take the stupid curse off me… 0_0"

Hazel could see no reply.

"Nico?" "No, Nico, don't tell dad that!"

"Too late."

Percy's POV

I stood just outside the entrance to Camp Half-blood, right in the spot that me and my mom had decided to meet. My mom wanted to give me my birthday present, but I wanted to stay at Camp Half-blood for my birthday so she decided to come here. But she was late. I took out my phone impatiently and texted my mom.

"Mom, get the fuck to Camp Half-blood."

I soon got a reply. I wondered why my mom said what she did, but then I looked at my text. My mom had said this:

"Percy! That's no way to talk to your mother!"

I replied quickly:

"I'm sorry! It was an autocorrect! I meant to tell you to shit the pants!"

"Percy…"

"No! I meant slutty pickle!"

"…"

"I don't even get how my message went from normal to…that. I'm not even gonna try to change it, just trust me that was an autocorrect!""…Mom?"

Let's just say that I didn't get my birthday present.

3rd person

Thalia was hungry, and decided to see if Piper would like to join her for lunch. She pulled out her phone.

"Wanna go get a hamster for lunch?"

"I'll pass! Look at your text."

"Oh my gods! I meant hitchhiker!"

"0_0"

"Hell'sKitchen!"

"Halitosis!"

"Hamburger!"

Piper soon replied,

"LOL sure. I'll meet you at the HALLELUJAH stand, as long as they have a veggie burger." "0_0"

**Featured autocorrect. Original idea by DeathPrincess.**

3rd person

Katie Gardener was in the gardens in Camp Half-blood, trying to decide which plants she should grow there, since it was the start of summer. She pulled out her phone and texted Demeter for advice:

"Hey, mom, which plants are best to grow in the summer? I'm trying to decide what to plant…"

Demeter answered within a few minutes:

"Hmmm… Well, I'd say the best one would be Marijuana."

"Um, I don't think Chiron would let me plant that… Anything else? 0_0

"Well, if not Marijuana, then maybe you'd prefer weed?"

"Why are you so obsessed with drugs?"

"Maybe you would rather plant Tobacco?"

"Mom! Something that is not a drug please!"

"Oh, I didn't mean those things! I meant marigolds, willows, and tomatoes! Stupid phone…"

**Thanks for reading! Now this isn't an official contest, but if anyone has an idea for an autocorrect conversation then you can just review or PM it to me and you'll get a shout-out. There's no deadline for this, just if you have an idea you'd like me to write, just tell me! I have to think of some more ideas now, I've already used all my old ideas… **** Please review!**


	5. Jason and the Disney Princesses

**Sorry I took so long to update, I've been busy lately, but here is my chapter made up of your ideas and suggestions! There were only 2 which I did not use because they either didn't fit well or were to mature. Thanks to these people for their story ideas: Thalia Ginny C for the Disney Princess conversation! DarylDixon'sgirl 1985 for the bread conversation! Whatupmypeeps for the that last one about gas! Thanks guys.**

**3****rd**** person**

Percy took out his phone when he heard it beep, and saw that he had 2 new messages. One from his mom, and one from… Jason? He quickly answered his mom's text and then checked the one from Jason. It read,

"Hey Pocahontas! Meet me and Ariel at the Cinderella factory for dinner. There's this Jasmine cheesecake there I really want to Tiana. Aurora Snow White it. Belle come before 5, because I have to be back at Mulan Camp before 7."

Percy stared, stunned, at the message in front of him. He finally replied,

"Wtf?"

Jason apparently read his text because he soon answered,

" Woah… My phone really like Disney princesses! Stupid autocorrect. I meant, hey Percy! Meet me and Annabeth at the Cheesecake factory for dinner. There's this jack cheese cake there I really want to try. Annabeth suggested it. But come here before 5, because I have to be back at my camp before 7. "

"Get a new phone dude."

**Sally J's POV**

I looked into the fridge, and noticed that I was in need of bread. Percy was coming home for the summer today, so I decided to ask him to pick up some bread for me. I pulled out my phone.

"Hey Percy, can you pick up some red? I'm running low…"

I sent this message, oblivious to my mistake. Percy soon answered,

"Mom, look at your text. I'm pretty sure the store doesn't carry any…red."

"Oh I'm sorry honey. I meant could you pick up some sled?"

"It's summer, why would you want a sled?"

"My bad. I meant Fred. I really need some Fred right now…"

"Do you mean bread?"

"Yes! That's it, dead! I need dead! Thanks Percy!"

I sighed and gave up, since Percy knew what I meant.

**3****rd**** person (This is set in a time when Annabeth and Percy are married)**

Percy was stuck at the park, with no gas in his car. He took out his phone and texted his wife, Annabeth.

"Hey Annie could you bring me some gnats for my couch? I'm sleeping at the piglet. Toucans."

"Don't call me Annie! It's a good thing you all ready have the couch because you'll need it tonight!"

"What?"

Percy looked at his text.

"I meant, Annabeth could you bring me some gas for my car? I'm stuck at the park. Thanks."

"Ohhhhhh... sorry? Can you forgive me?"

"Hmph! Not a chicken."

"? Are you on auto correct?"

"Yes why?"

This started a series of texts which only Percy sent:

"You just said not a chicken."

"Oh. I lent Clarence."

"Crap"

"Chips"

"Chance! I Kent chance!"

"Oh frog it."

Percy sighed. His phone beeped and he picked it up again to see Annabeth's reply.

"Do you still need the gas?"

"...Yes"

**Well, that concludes my chapter made up entirely of your ideas and suggestions… So now I'm gonna have to think up some new autocorrects. But please continue to send me your ideas for conversations, because I will probably use a couple in every chapter. Plus, you get a shout-out! Awesome, right?**


End file.
